Structure

I do my best when I have structure in my life. I have a schedule. Life is consistent. I am in control.

The YAV year has structure. I work 32 hours at my nonprofit, Tuesday nights and Friday mornings are spent with everyone, and I work 5 hours at Brooks-Howell. But in the smaller places, I have to make my own structure. I came up with my schedule at work. I figured out what I do Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, respectively. I prioritize what needs to be done now versus what can be put at the bottom of my to-do list.

A buzzword for the YAV year is "flexibility". Be flexible for whatever comes your way. Not one person has the same year as another. Loving my structure has been hard in loving my flexibility.

This year I feel I have tested my flexibility many times: my job went from two directors to one,  my schedule is different than all my housemates (even though I have worked hard to keep it in the structure of Monday-Thursday), my work place nearly dissolved, my work place is moving locations, and my schedule is changing again. I have had to create my own structure in those moments. I have picked up responsibilities that I didn't think I would have. I have to be flexible because I can't tell you what tomorrow will bring with my job.

With structure comes the hatred of change. I cannot stand things changing, for better or worse. I get a day off from work? I panic and don't know what to do with myself. My schedule has now been altered. My work might dissolve? I panic and think the worse possibilities. Structure is a two sided sword: it brings me comfort but can limit me at the same time.

I'm now halfway through my YAV year and I don't know what the future will bring. I don't know what's coming next and that TERRIFIES me. I plan and rely on structure so much that when I don't have it, I struggle. This year is teaching me to flex my flexibility muscle. Learning something new is never easy, but I know it will benefit me the rest of my life.