Home again, home again jiggety jig

So tonight is my second night in Ireland and what a day it’s been. Let me rewind to catch up to the present.

Friday I arrived in Burnley, England, an hour north of Manchester. We ate dinner, played board and video games, and caught up. Saturday we woke up and got pies from the market. Jessica got her coveted pork and apple, Liam got pork, and I got chicken and mushroom. Didn’t know I was going to eat this cold. Didn’t know how displeased I would be. We wandered town centre then went to the Singing Ringing Tree on the outskirts of Burnley. For those who don’t know, this “tree” is a beautiful, metal sculpture made out of pipes that play haunting music when the wind blows through. It is smaller than the internet made it seem, maybe 10 feet tall. It was super windy, but there was a beautiful view of the English countryside.

From there we (Jess, Liam, and I) went to Hurstwood and hiked in the woods. We climbed a HUGE hill and looked at the view from the reservoir. Exhausted, we went home and chilled until tea (supper/dinner). Jess and Liam took me to get curry and it was great. Spicy and authentic. We went to the store and bought a few items for when Rose, the child Jess takes care of, comes over and sweets for us. Repeat of the night before with Mario Kart and Netflix thrown in.

Sunday we woke up and drove to see Jess’s mum and have a proper English dinner. Jess’s best friend Chloe tagged along. We met her mum and her brother James at their house and walked over to the Dining Room for dinner. I had roast beef, roasted potatoes, mash, carrots, leafy greens, and Yorkshire pudding. So good. I also saved room for pudding and had salted caramel cheesecake. We left lunch happy and full and picked up Rose. We came back to Burnley stuffed and ready to nap it off. We took Rose to the park, snuck out and got waffles, and had a great last night.

That morning we woke up SUPER early and took a bus to Todmorden. We picked up another kiddo to occupy Rose and had my first English breakfast. I’m still not with it with beans and toast. Everything else was good. We went to another friends’ place and chatted while the children played. We left, printed off my boarding pass, and headed to Manchester. I said my goodbyes and off I was to Dublin.

I landed and got my first stamp in my passport this trip! I met the Whites at the gate and they were as lovely as can be. I’ll tell you how we’re connected next time. We rode 2 hours from Dublin to Birr and arrived at their lovely home. It’s huge in Irish standards and fairly modern. We also had Indian food with Twix ice cream for dessert. It was so nice to talk to people who know all about my people. They were closer to my great-grandma than I ever was. I’ve loved hearing the history.

Keep up for the next adventures in Ireland and more trip anxieties.

From South to North, From East to West

Just a small town girl

Living in a lonely world

She took the midnight train

Going anywhere...

Journey “Don’t Stop Believin’”

The past 48 hours have been a whirlwind, but I’m finally rested enough to catch up on my journey. I’m going to start where I left off with the trains to Edinburgh and hope I don’t overwhelm this next story with details galore. 

As the song lyrics suggested, I took the midnight train, this one to Edinburgh. I saw the sunrise over the English countryside and had breakfast in a First Class car (that was the cheapest option!). I also met a Sara(h) from Auckland, New Zealand who was moving her whole life to Aberdeen in two suitcases. We chatted for a bit and dozed on and off throughout our journey. When I got to Edinburgh, I had a bed waiting for me in my hostel. I passed out for 2 hours after showering and changing out of my 48 hour outfit. 

I could’ve slept longer, but I didn’t want to miss my day in the city. And what a day it was. I went on a free walking tour around the city. Learned the history of the city, history of Presbyterianism, and history of words and phrases (“tripping the alarm”, “loo”, “s***faced”). Our guide was funny and informative and helped out us Potter fans to sites of JK Rowling’s inspiration. I took pictures of gravestones with famous last names from the books. I passed and quickly snapped a photo of The Elephant House, where Rowling wrote the first two books.

On the tour I met Rasa, a lawyer on holiday from Lithuania. She suggested we go eat, and since I wanted an authentic Scottish experience, we went to a recommended restaurant and ate haggis. She was fine with it; it reminded her of home. I had to get matter over mind. It was spicy as in lots of flavors. I did have it over bacon and onion mash with carrots/pumpkin/something orange on top (which I was not a fan of). I ate it all, but it took longer than I normally do. It was unexpected, wasn’t how I thought it would look, which I feel helped its case in matter over mind. Either way, I do feel I need to try it somewhere else and get a second opinion. I’m staying open

While in Edinburgh, the LARGEST ARTS FESTIVAL IN THE WORLD was happening. It’s called the Fringe and there were performances all over the city. Rasa and I were handed so many flyers, but there was so much going on we were overwhelmed. We found a comedy show and that started our night of laughter. We belly-laughed at Angus Dunican, chuckled at Emily Woods, and had fun with Thaniya Moore and Sian Davies. These were all FREE shows, but they asked for money at the end because people gotta eat. I tipped what I could, but having limited cash, I don’t believe I gave them what they were worth. I saw some interesting performances (one about Ursula from Little Mermaid and the other Doctor Who themed), but they were out of the way and expensive. It’s an amazing experience and I believe I would have enjoyed it if I stayed longer in Edinburgh.

I went back to the hostel, packed, and passed out after a long day, finally getting a full night’s sleep. I still woke up at dawn to catch the 7 o’clock train to Alnmouth so I could get to Alnwick and go to the castle. I arrived in Alnmouth at 8 and wandered around the village. I put my foot in the Atlantic on the East coast of England while it was raining. It was serene. Nothing opened until 10, so I wandered around enjoying the silence and internally monologuing. I took the bus, stored my pack at a shop, and headed over to Alnwick Castle. 

I could go on and on about this castle. It was amazing. But first let’s correct something before we go on, something I didn’t correct until this morning. It’s pronounced “All-nick” not “Aln-wick”. No idea, didn’t ask why, English is strange. This castle has been around since 1096 and the currently family has lived there for over 700 years. It was strange to see modern photos of family interspersed with paintings from the 15th through 19th centuries. It’s been in shows and movies: Hogwarts in the first two HP movies, Brancaster Castle in Downton Abbey, along with Robin Hood with Kevin Costner and a Transformers movie. I didn’t get to see the gardens, but the current duchess started her own “Poison Garden” where everything that grows in it will kill or harm humans. I went to the Castle only and wish I could’ve seen more. 

I grabbed a train to Burnley and met my childhood friend Jess and her fiancé Liam at the train station. We swung in and out of the store for some items and headed home for tea (dinner/supper). We ate and laughed. Jessica and I went for a walk around the area and came back and played games. We chatted and have been catching up since the last we saw each other. It’s been great and now it’s time for sleep. Will update in a few days before I leave for Ireland on Monday. 

Good Life

Woke up in London yesterday

Found myself in a city near Piccadilly

Don’t really know how I got here

I got some pictures on my phone

                           

One Republic “Good Life”

If I’ve learned anything from my YAV year, it’s resiliency. I had many hard challenges, many nights calling my parents crying because “I can’t do this.” My Community was there for me and helped me bounce back and tackle those challenges in a new light. As I type this I’m experiencing a different kind of resiliency that comes with traveling solo. 

I’ve gotten 2 hours of sleep in the past 24 hours. My legs have been hurting from either moving too much (walking around London or a museum) or not enough (flying for 7 hours). Sometimes it has felt like my legs were going to buckle under me, but I kept moving. I’m also chafing, which is not a pleasant feeling. I’ve been wearing the same clothes for the past 36 hours and probably don’t smell the greatest. I’ve been carrying a ~20 lb backpack around a major city. Just Sarah things.

I flew from Tampa to Detroit last night. I came off that plane and immediately got on the one to go to London. It was at 10:30 at night. I’m ready to sleep. And what happens? They turn on all the lights in the cabin. And pass out dinner. At 11 pm. What?! So woke up and ate “dinner” and tried to wind back down. I thought my years of band would help with sleeping upright, until I remembered that I would curl up under the seat and never sleep “properly.” So I got about 2 hours of sleep. When I finally got the best sleeping position, guess what? The lights came back on again and it was time for breakfast. 4 hours after dinner. Come on. 

I landed and took the Underground to the Natural History Museum (see pictures attached in Facebook post). I was tired, but I knew if I kept my brain active, I would be fine. Being a rainy day, SO MANY PEOPLE WERE THERE. It was ridiculous. I wandered for 2.5 hours until my legs and stomach couldn’t take it anymore (thankfully I stored my pack for the day. Extra weight wouldn’t have helped). I decided to go get food and maybe see the sights next to the Thames. Big Ben and Westminister Cathedral are both under construction. I’m pretty sure I could the pub that I went to last time I was in London (which was 7 years ago). I left and picked up my stuff to head back to the airport.

I passed on the first two trains that came by because they were FILLED with people. I couldn’t afford to wait forever though, so I squished in the next train. I spent the next 45 minutes standing, squished in a corner, my feet perpendicular to each other, and really close to people. I thought it was packed at our stop? It got so much worse than a can of sardines. Got to the airport and couldn’t find my terminal. I finally found it. Here’s the worst thing that’s happened to me: my flight to Edinburgh...was yesterday. I somehow mixed up the dates and it was £235 to get on tonight’s flight (which btw I was still getting emails about. Grrr...)

I did what I’ve done many times and many more in the future: I called my dad. I wasn’t full on panicking like I once would have. I just needed assurance that things would be ok. I immediately called the hostel and they will have a bed for me. I’m currently in the train station about to take a ~10 hour journey to get from London to Edinburgh. The things I do to stick with my structure/schedule. 

Hopefully, the worst has been done and it will be smoother sailing from here on out. But if there’s another incident, I know I have the resiliency and intuition to move forward. 

P.S. I did panic when I got to the train station because my tickets were on my phone and my phone was at 5%. I couldn’t print them off; the train line wasn’t a print option. Thankfully I met this wonderful Indian women who let me borrow her power pack for me to charge sufficiently to get on the train.

Just. Enough.

These are two words I catch myself saying often during this year. "I'm just an intern. Will this be enough?" Two words that have become part of my everyday speech that make life harder.

By using just I'm diminishing my work. I'm diminishing who I am as a person. "I just did my job. I'm just the intern. I'm just here for a year. I'm just me." By putting this word into my lexicon, I am tearing down everything I've done. I don't give myself credit for the work I've done. I don't give myself credit for who I am as a person. I didn't start catching myself saying it until the winter, but when I did, I heard myself saying it everywhere. At work, at home, talking to my family, talking to my supervisor. I made everything seem simpler than it was by using one word: just.

On the flip side of that coin was enough. "Is this enough food? Do I have enough money? Am I enough?" These questions hurt me and I didn't know it. From a culture of abundance, all I could see was where I was lacking. I come from a big family. Dinner was something we all did together. But I specifically remember counting all the rolls on the table or dumplings in the soup, wondering how much I would get and would it be fair. Coming here has been a lesson in equity; my enough is different than your enough and both are enough.

This has not been an easy year and I have struggled in different places. The biggest part is "Am I enough?" The easy answer is yes, but it's hard to see that when I'm so focused on the details. I do the best I can and even if I fail, it was enough. I've done what seemed that menial tasks and they were enough. It's been hard to switch my mind to see how much I've done instead of how much I need to do.

I've been planning an interfaith LGBT panel that happens in a week. I've contacted different people in the community who have different spiritual and LGBT identities and are bringing them together to talk about the intersection of these identities. I have done all that I can and more. Now I have to accept that it is enough, no matter the outcome. It will happen, people will attend, and there will be an impact. Will it be what I want? Probably not, but it will be just enough.

End of May or Early June, Picture Perfect Afternoon We Shared

Even though we've been busy, we've made sure to have fun and see local sights. These were the highlights of May and early June. These were fun group bonding times and I won't forget what I learned from these experiences.

On top of Tennent Mountain. Erin wanted to go hiking for her birthday.
So we went on a 5 mile (3 hour) hike on a trail.

View of the Blue Ridge Mountains from Black Balsam Knob.
It was a beautiful day with a wonderful breeze. It was ~15 degrees cooler up there.

Wolf at the WNC Nature Center. On Memorial Day, Erin and I checked out the  Nature Center.

Otter! These were some of our favorite animals. So playful!

Bears, Oh My! We saw bears (outside of the ones in trees in our backyard)!

Willy Wonka Day at Brooks Howell Home
L-R: Augustus Gloop, Charlie Bucket, Mike Teevee, Oompa Loompa

Original stove at Thomas Wolfe Memorial.
We had been by at the beginning of the year, but wanted to return to see what was inside.

One of the rooms in the Thomas Wolfe Memorial Home.
We learned who Thomas Wolfe was and why this house is an important landmark.

One of the sunrooms in the Thomas Wolfe Memorial Home.
Thomas Wolfe's story is sad, but is writing is beautiful. It's now on my To-Read List.

Romans 12:2

Dear 14 year old me,
Even though middle school has been rough, there is so much more out there. Life gets so much better; don't run away, but run into it.

Ten years ago yesterday I was baptized and confirmed in the Presbyterian Church. I followed in tradition of many before me and many after. But even though confirmation is tradition, mine was un-traditional. First (I didn't know) I wore a teal dress the day of, instead of white. I was the only girl in a class of six. And I wasn't baptized.

When I was a child, my parents didn't baptize me. They wanted me to choose my own path. I appreciate the thought, and looking back I understand and agree. But as a 14-year old trying to fit in at a private Christian school, being baptized as an infant was a badge of honor. I didn't have it and I couldn't get it that way, since I was 14 years too late. It was one more thing to add to the list of how I stood out when all I wanted was to fit in.

I fit in with my friends at school and church because all of us were going through a confirmation at our respective churches. I was the ONLY one who wasn't baptized. I didn't understand how I could go through all of this and NOT be baptized until the last minute. Even my parents were baptized as infants. It went against all tradition I had been taught.

But tradition can and should be broken. During my YAV year, many traditions I hold true are being broken and made beautiful. I feel most at "church" when I am among companions at Haywood St. Congregation; I frequently hum "Sanctuary" because that what I feel it has become. I can find a fiery, empowered pastor in a church of 20 people. My elder who sponsored me wasn't baptized until she was an adult. Neither was my stepmom. Things don't have to stay the same, and sometimes it's best if they don't.

I have grown so much in the past ten years. My family has grown, both who I have been given and who I have chosen. I have completed high school and college. I have moved across the country and abandoned a "traditional" post-college route. I have gone through hardships and have had the best times of my life so far. I am my own person and keep true to myself; I know my boundaries, what I like/don't like, and once I set my mind to something, I do it.

I was baptized and confirmed on the same day, 10 years ago. And I wouldn't change the path God set for me for the world. I wasn't meant to be traditional; I was meant to be unconventional.

Romans 12:2- Do not conform to this world, but be transformed...

Later is now

I am a terrible procrastinator.  I put items off for weeks until I'm right on the deadline and get stressed and anxious. I finish the project on time. Do I learn from my lesson? No.

Going in that vein, I have procrastinated on something very important to me (the higher the importance, the longer I put it off): my faith. I went to churches in college, attended bible studies, was active in several Christian organizations. But looking at myself now I question what I believe. I know I'm a Christian and I believe in Christ, but the nitty gritty is what bugs me. What makes Presbyterians different from other denominations? What are the core beliefs of Presbyterianism? Do I even want to be Presbyterian?

I have struggled with prayer for years. I don't like that there's no one to answer or even acknowledge me when I'm talking to them. I don't need an exact answer, but some response would be nice. Like, how do people do this every day/night? Am I not faithful enough if I don't pray daily?

In my mind, I know I want to be Christian for the rest of my life. I have faith that no matter where I go, I'll always have church. I even have ideas of what songs will be played at my wedding (In Christ Alone) and lighting a Christ candle. I have visions of me reading Bible stories with my children and praying with them nightly. But how do I get there from here?

I have put off my faith for years; just because I was around church people or even in a sanctuary doesn't mean I got anything out of it. I keep saying I'll work on it later, school is my priority, work is my priority, it's not the right time. Well later is now.

I've gotten to know several pastors here in Asheville and the one whose church I attend knows all about me. She's even now our spiritual guidance person, a person that the six of us can go to and talk about faith and what direction we want to go. We talked last week about it and we are all at different stages of faith. I'm starting to write down my questions, figure out what I want to know and be. I don't expect it to be easy, but I don't want to put it off any longer.